When I came to Northern Ontario 3 years ago, I felt it was spirt directing me to this land and it’s people. A sort of call to arms, to prepare and rally support against this war on consciousness. I was not wrong but I had no idea of the complexity and grandeur this spiritual direction would reveal. This plan was a call alright that began with my own healing journey. As a leader and role model teetering on the edge was created for my own documentation but also as a window for others to look into and be mirrored back into their own lives. Each year I grow and share and each year my blog grows. Scientifically I am affecting change. Spirit set me on a path of self-reflection, self-love, and self-healing. Moving me was the easy part, although I gave up a lot personally, it was my first baby step. With the intention of healing myself, I also intended to connect to others, be in service and together we can heal and change the world.
My first deep dark truth is that you cannot change others no matter how much you try. No matter how much we want to protect them and show them the way to healing, your beliefs, attitudes, experiences or desires are just that, YOURS. I believe it is not our role to save each other, it is our role to save ourselves. This sounds cruel but it’s psychologically sound scientifically. This theory is used in Airplane travel, where they teach you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others. When you heal yourself you become a role model or template for others to do the same. As humans we have not tapped into our potential as spiritual beings. Our fundamental dynamic capacity to effect positive or negative influence on everyone or everything around us, can be seen psychologically through our use or misuse of words, thoughts, and actions. These are what I like to call the three pillars of healing. The studies done with plants and how talking negatively to them, kills them within weeks, should show us how much our words effect those we are in relationship with. How much greater are we humans than plants? Our thoughts can create or destroy, try changing them to get a better result and let me know what happens. The third pillar our actions is where we should be concentrating. Are you re-acting to something or are you responding to it. There is a difference. Reacting is fast, emotional and impulsive and can have negative consequences. Responding is considering the situation with thought and intelligence. It requires a moment of pause and thought and leads to more positive outcomes. Any incongruency between these three pillars will build dis-ease, dis-order or dysfunction. So if you are walking around in your EGO self, where everyone should think like you, be like you and believe what you believe, you are missing a big opportunity for growth and healing. What the world needs now are opportunities where we learn to live with opposition, in acceptance without judgement of others. We are all connected but we must allow others to learn their own lessons and have their own experiences freely. I know this because I was that person.
My world was built around all the lack of control I felt as a child, young adult and as a woman. It was through wrong intentions, negative self-beliefs and living in a constant state of giving my power away to others, when my self-destruction started. By the time I was 37 I had been married and divorced a few times and it was then I looked myself in the mirror and said “what the fuck was I doing?” I guess certain family members, some friends and peers did not have my best interest because, after all, I was making them look good! I guess their EGO’s had a way of interfering in their ability to help me. I knew I was better than this and that I deserved better for myself and my children. I remember the day a friend at work said to me “change comes from looking at ourselves and deciding what we really want, then ask the question “Why” and when you begin to start answering it, so begins your journey of self healing” This advice changed my life. The second deep dark truth was that they didn’t say I needed someone to walk me through it, they left the responsibility in my hands, where it should be. Afterall this was my life, my creation and if I didn’t like what was happening to me then I needed to change it, even if it started with changing one thing.
I bought a book on emotional alchemy and anger and I began with my childhood and all the things I didn’t like. All the hurt feelings, pain and fears and I asked myself why I felt this way. I then moved up through my life and repeated the process. Journaling became a ritual of release and reading self-help, spiritual books gave me the encouragement I needed. Writing poetry became my second release. Writing poetry was my way of acknowledging my emotions, allowing them to move through me and releasing them to the idea of forgiveness. So it was with spirits help, that I learned that self- forgiveness was the key to really letting go.
My third deep dark truth is that forgiveness is not about others, it is about you and giving yourself permission to move forward making changes that reflect your highest good. Our actions should evolve around our highest intentions so that the consequences do not hinder us but benefit us. I will spare you the details but lets just say that baby steps led to bigger steps, led to ladders of fast tracking myself once I made conscious connections between who I am, my purpose, and who I wanted to be. This did not happen over night. This is a continuous journey where I can now look back and feel proud of the decisions I made, the choices, the ways I responded to others, and the actions I took that benefitted me greatly.
The fourth deep dark truth is, we live in a very chaotic and controlled world that would have you believe we are constantly on the verge of destruction. We are all traumatized by this. I’m here to tell you that if you want that to happen, you don’t have to do anything to make it so. If you don’t want that to happen then its time to question the power you are giving your politicians, bankers, doctors, and educators. They do not have your best interest at stake but they are glad to make all your decisions for you. If all you do is react, complain and blame others well you created that too, by giving away your power. As I sit here in Northern Ontario, revealing deep dark secrets to you, I want you know I perceive a different view. By reflecting on my life and my journey I am hoping to give you the opportunity to see another path. A choice between doing nothing, staying the same, or creating change. A path that proves taking one baby step can lead to a greater opportunity to heal yourself and affect the world around you, as I did. My life and my journey are in a constant state of growth and healing as I teeter on the edge of awakening others so we can create a better world, a healthier population and a healed land that will support all of us. I feel that by sharing little snippets of my story, I can infuse positive spiritual energy that will lead you to your mirror, to question “why”? My hope is that you will awaken to the power that you are a created divine being whose heart call is to heal humanity by taking responsibility for healing yourself first. So begins our journey!
Namaste Tribe, Jacqueline
TEETERING ON THE EDGE 